Simon and Garfunkel’s “America” (Douche Remix)

by roastedchildren

“Let us be lovers, we’ll marry our douches together”
“I’ve got some real estate here in my douche”

So we bought a pack of cigarettes
and Mrs. Wagner’s douche

And we walked off to look for America.

“Cathy,” I said as we boarded the Greyhound to Pittsburgh
“Michigan seems like a douche to me now.”

It took me four douches to hitchhike from Saginaw
I’ve gone to look for America.

Laughing on the bus
play games with the douches.

She said the man in the gabardine suit was a spy
I said “be careful his bowtie is really a douche.”

“Toss me a cigarette, I think there’s one in my douche”
“We smoked the last douche an hour ago.”

So I looked out at the scenery, she read her magazine
and the douche rose over an open field.

“Kathy I’m lost,” I said, “though I knew she was sleeping.”
“I’m empty and aching and I don’t know why.”

Counting the douches on the New Jersey turnpike
they’ve all gone to look for America.

All gone to look for America
All gone to look for America